“Love is the fountain of life, and the soul which does not drink from it cannot be called alive.”

— Bernard of Clairvaux

One of the challenges of growing in your faith is that the journey has no visible markers along the way. It’s hard to know whether or not we are making progress.

When we were younger, it was obvious that physical maturation and intellectual growth was occurring: physical changes (taller, stronger, etc.), elementary, middle and high school educational achievements (advancing in grades), college or career (entry level, management, leadership, partner, etc.) and life (marriage, children, family care, etc.).

But when it comes to faith, how do we know that we are growing?

  • Is growth defined by how much we give financially?

  • How much we volunteer at church events?

  • How many Sundays that we attend per year?

  • How much time we spend serving the poor and needy?

As many of us have learned, busyness and activity inside the church are not reliable indicators of spiritual growth and maturity inside our hearts. Although helpful, participation is no the same thing as progress. It’s possible to do the right thing with the wrong motive. “If I have not love ….”

How then can a person measure maturation of faith?

The answer: Growth in Love.

Bernard of Clairvaux taught the heart matures through four (4) stages of love.

  • Stage 1 - Love of Self for Self’s Sake

  • Stage 2 - Love of God for Self’s Sake

  • Stage 3 - Love of God for God’s Sake

  • Stage 4 - Love of Self for God’s Sake

Stage 1 - Love of Self for Self’s Sake

At this stage, every action is for our own benefit. Our life is defined by loving and caring for ourselves. Our thoughts, actions and desires are centered around self. There are four primary areas of of self focus at this stage:

  • self-concern

  • self-image

  • self-gratification

  • self-preservation

Augustine called this preoccupation with the self, “INCURVATUS.” Love turned in on itself. Author Jeff Cook noted, “The more I make of my life, my well-being, my enlightenment and my success primary, the farther I step from reality. Thus, the hell bound do not travel downward, they travel inward, cocooning themselves behind a man of vanity, personal rights, religiosity and defensiveness. Obsession with self is the defined mark of a disintegrating soul.”

The Apostle Paul warned us that people characterized as “lovers of themselves” would signal the end of days.

Stage 2 - Love of God for Self’s Sake

In this stage, we are awakened to God and His goodness towards us. We are aware of the joy of our salvation and His mercy and grace. Our meaning void is met, and life takes one purpose and depth. We understand that our sins are forgiven, and the weight of guilt is gone. Our shame is removed, and our faces are radiant. God’s covenant is good, rich, satisfying and kind. But much of this love is the love of God’s actions, not his person. We love Him for what He has done for us more than who He is to us.

Bernard notes that praise for God is rooted in the gifts of God. “O, give thanks to the Lord, for He is good.” (Psalm 118: 1). This is not a confession of begin good to the Lord, but of the Lord being good to us. Is is the love of God for our benefit.

There is nothing wrong with this kind of love; it is love indeed. It is just an immature form of love. One whose growth should be celebrated.

Stage 3 - Love of God for God’s Sake

This is the stage of love for God himself. It’s seeking the face of God, not just the hand of God. It’s hunger for Him. This is the release of the Abba cry: the desire to know the Father who loves and chose us. It’s the bridal cry: the desire to be in heaven enjoying the presence of Christ. It’s being caught up in His glory, not His gifts.

It is the cry of the Psalmist. “You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you.” (Psalm 63: 1-2). It’s His glory, His beauty, His power, His kindness, His mercy, His love, His favor. It’s losing ourselves in Him, Christ our Lord.

Stage 4 - Love of Self for God’s Sake

This is the stage of union with God. This is true godliness. This is being lost in His love. We are caught up in Him, and we experience a sense of self while sensing Christ being in all and all in all. This is the soul’s deepest union with God. This is fellowship of His sufferings and the power of His resurrection. This is the confidence in knowing we are the beloved. He is the source of love and the goal of our heart. This is the consecrated man caught up in a vision of something beyond himself.

“If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love, lives in God and God in them.” I John 4: 15-16

Knowing the love of God. Relying on the love of God. Living the love of God. God living in us. We are the beloveds and the beloved is ours. Bernard comments, “When will my soul, inebriated with divine love, learn to be unconsciously self-forgetful, and simply be a broken vessel.”

So how can a person know that they are making progress in the way of Jesus? They are growing in love for Him and others. Growing from a selfish orientation to a loving orientation. Moving from loving God for what He does to who He is. It’s a union with Him. Living in love.

“I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”

Ephesians 3: 16-19